Say What You See - A Montessori Minute
I have been re-reading Say What You See by Sandra R. Blackard. I want to share a few pertinent things from her book. She recommends a three part approach to listening to children:
1. Say what you see.
2. Add a “strength” to behavior you like.
3. Add a “can do” to behavior you don’t like
In the classroom, we practice “saying what we see '' continuously. It is a way to acknowledge the child’s action, work, or feelings. In turn, the child gains self-control and self-confidence in themselves.
All children’s’ behaviors, what they do and say, are communication and driven by needs, and children are always learning new ways to communicate these wants and needs. They will continue to “communicate” until they are heard.
When a child helps another child we make comments such as, “You know how to be a good friend.” or “You like to help others.” Or when there is a conflict, “Did you have a reason to take Bethany’s paper off the table?” Usually the child will give an honest answer such as “It was in my way.” or “It was on my work.” We then can teach mediation skills, “The next time you can say, ‘Bethany, can you please move your paper.’”
Regarding something a child has created and worked on, we can make comments such as, “You used a lot of brown in that painting.” or “Tell me about your painting.” As opposed to “I really like your painting.” After a prolonged working time, we can say, “You were focused on your work.”or “You are capable of working for a long time.” These types of comments recognize the behaviors we want to promote in children, and in turn, promote their strengths.
It is easy to show respect and love to the child when these behaviors are displayed. It is not always as easy to show our understanding when we witness behaviors we do not prefer. “Understanding allows us to respond with love and respect rather than with anger.”(Blackard, p9.)
Upon seeing a child crumple up a piece of paper we say something like “That didn’t turn out the way you wanted.” or “You feel frustrated.” (Blackard, p15.)
Blackard’s suggestions adding “Can Do” statements. In the classroom we, again, constantly use statements that give the child a suggestion for the behavior we want to see. Ex: if a child writes on a table, rather than saying “Don’t write on the table,” we can say, “You can write on paper. Would you like white paper or construction paper.”
We try not to use the word “need” because that normally leads us to stating what I, the adult, needs and not what the child needs. Once I overheard a teacher say to a child standing on a chair, “I need you to get down.” An alternative could have been, “We sit in chairs and stand on the floor.”
In order to create a safe, loving environment, in which children can develop we have to have rules. Our class rules are concise – Be safe, be kind, be gentle. Blackard says, “Children need rules. Rules create boundaries that provide children with the opportunity to experience self-control. By bumping into boundaries, children learn they have the ability to stop themselves. Rules are centering because they allow children to master self-control” (P44).
